What do I do with my anger?

[skysnolimit]

My fiance broke off our (intended) marriage.  I might feel grateful that it happened so early, but really I just feel pissed.  I feel very, very angry, but I have always had difficulty showing my anger.  I will laugh and smile, I think because I understand that anger hurts people and I have prayed many times not to hurt other people.  But I am so incensed with no outlet right now.  What should I do?

We live in the same apartment, although after this we will be moving to separate rooms.  I can't decide whether his leaving would set me free or leave me sad and motiveless.  I am sure it would do the latter, and very very very eventually the former would commence.

He says he feels like we are best friends, and always has, but he has recently had much deeper feelings for somebody else and he wouldn't feel comfortable proceeding with the marriage in this state.

I am glad that he can be honest with me--and believe me, I showed my anger earlier this week--but now that I have come to understand that it would be an awful idea to marry him if what he's said is true anyway, I am not angry enough to push at him in any direction at all.  He is my best friend in this city, but a part of me is still obsessed with the broken promise, not to mention all of the wedding planning and sunk expenses that have to be accepted and unraveled.  At the end of the day, my question is not whether or not to kick him out, but rather, what in this wide wide world can I possibly do with all this anger?

[TheLeet]

So sorry to hear that things are going badly for you *hugs*

When I'm angry, exercise helps. Maybe you could go for a long walk (or even a run if you're sportier than me ), or maybe go out and dance. Anything to tire yourself out, really.

[Pinkshadow]

I'm so sorry to hear it's not going amazing about you :/

If it had been me, i would have thrown him out by now, but that's because i have the temper and feelings i do.

I think the best thing you can do is listen to yourself and what you feel would be right.
- I do think that it would be a good idea if one of you moved out, because you do say that you are kinda obsessed with the broken promise, and keeping yourself locked in that state wouldnt benefit either of you, but it depend on how you feel yourself.

[Ryuukokoro]

So sorry to hear about this. I could not even begin to guess what it must feel like to go through that! 

Your feelings of anger are perfectly normal, anyone would be furious in that situation, I think. So the first step to anger like that is to accept it and tell yourself there's nothing wrong with you, it's totally natural to feel that way. And like others have said, it might help to do exercise or art, something physical to help you express yourself.

And you might want to see about talking to a counselor or therapist, even just once or twice. I know it seems like that's too extreme, but they're really helpful people and they'll put your goals and feelings plain in front of you so you can see and understand them. Lots of people go to a counsel for what might be considered a 'little thing' like being angry at a certain situation.

And remember it's going to take time. *hugs* And we're here for you, too!

[CutieePiee]

I'm so sorry to hear that. *big hugs*

I can't imagine what you must be going through and I wouldn't know where to begin to even give you advice. But I do hope that you have someone there to talk to and with time, lots of time, you will be able to move on. Keep in mind, the future is always brighter. <3

[Daimas]

At the end of the day, my question is not whether or not to kick him out, but rather, what in this wide wide world can I possibly do with all this anger?

Hugs* Im sorry hun, This sounds like a horrible thing to happen to you. my best advice it to immerse yourself in something you love and not let it get you down, and if you need it, I am always here for a chat.

Personally.. I would of kicked him out... but like pink said, thats cause my temper. The best thing to do right now is to get out and go enjoy being single again. and focus that anger onto making him realize that he has lost the BEST thing that ever has and ever will happen to him.

[skysnolimit]

*the biggest hugs ever*

You are all so helpful for me!  Thank you for being supportive!

I haven't responded before this because I didn't leave home on Thursday or Friday (except to go to a Thanksgiving party with coworkers--my ex and I work at the same place, so that was difficult, because nobody knew yet and just talked to us like a couple) from where I was lying on some cushions in the room I moved to.    But I will say that that rest, and hearing from all of you via my mobile phone while I was lying there, did me wonders.

I was wrong about being able to live in the same house.  You were right   He was being really supportive and caring so I had nothing to snap at, but the first time he was a jerk I totally snapped and we both decided that he should move out.  I'm glad.

I think he made a huge mistake.  I don't think he really knows how to commit at all, and even if he gets into a new relationship will have similar problems.  But, as I have learned, I can't solve his problems for him.  Anyway, this will be good for me because I am only 22 anyway and have a lot to learn about how to manage a household.  And the house we made together is really nice, and I'm keeping our lovely cat <3

I called my parents this morning (it's hard because of the 16 hour time difference and lack of wi-fi) and finally confided in them everything I was feeling.  My mom was trying to get me to be righteously angry, which didn't work so well because I keep trying to forgive, but my Dad (who is like me in this way) said that since I am so forgiving I have to find somebody who doesn't take advantage of me in order to protect myself.  That actually really helped.  I love my parents.

I came to a cafe today to start working again (I'm teaching math and have a bunch of homework and tests to grade and lessons to prepare).  I can't believe he's such an idiot, but I have the solace of knowing I did everything as right as I could.  I called my parents and confirmed to them one more time that, yes, we are really calling off this wedding.  It was very difficult but my Mom will do the hard job of telling the relatives (over 100 of them) for me, and calling the wedding planner and venue and everything.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, THANK YOU SECUNDI and thank you to all my family and friends.  I am disappointed, but I have no regrets.  I miss him but I will miss myself so much more if I don't get over this.  So I will get over this and pray for him and me that everything will be okay <3 <3 hearts forever.

Also-->when I was sad I looked at Quinsta.  ^^;  I can't wait for my new flaxen chestnut roan quarter horse, there is nothing like fuel for my dreams to make me smile on a sad day.

[Luv007]

I'm happy you've found your way up from this mess, honey.  That's all you can do.  <3