How to get going?

[Pinkshadow]

As i know there are alot of kind and wise people here, i thought i would
ask you people <3

I had a boyfriend in 11 month, and we got engaged when we had been together in 10 month, on that time he had cheated on me 1 time, but i decided to forgive him, if he promised me to delete everything about and to her, and not talk with her again and he said he would and promised me never to cheat again, but when we got engaged (i payed for the rings and such) he told me that 2 days before he saw me and we bought the rings he had cheated on me again with a diffrent -excuse my word here- BITCH !!

He told me the name, and it was a girl i had met before, and she darn well knew he had a boyfriend, so i broke up with him after having him at my place for christmas, and i broke my promise to come and have new year with him and his/our friends .

This is 2-3 weeks ago now, and 1 week ago i started growing really strong feelings for another boy i have known in ages, i really like him much and just wanna be with him.

My problem is  that i dont know how to get all past my eks boyfriend, he meant the world to me, and i really thought he was the one i was going to be with rest of my life.

Any tips or idears?

[PonyMama]

Well let's see, I was with my ex for 3 years, yep three years, we got engaged and everything too, but things happened between us and we started growing apart and I started having feelings for another guy I knew what I had to do.  I broke up with my boyfriend and went for the other guy.  Yes it was hard to make that choice but I had a right to be happy, or at least try adn be happy.

So here I am almost 9 years later with two kids, still with the new guy I broke up with my boyfriend for.

I guess my advise to you is if you think this could be exciting and make you happy : Jump in with both feet

[YourLoveOnly]

I can't give you much advice, but I will be reading along.
I have a similair situation, but the other way around.

After a lot of bad luck I've met a guy I love more than anything and want to start a future with.
He feels the same way, but he and his ex broke up not so long ago after a 10 month relationship.
He can't stand hurting people and is left with a lot guilt and negative feelings on top of the pain breakups already cause.

I know he's trying, really trying to move on and leave it all in the past.
He says I understand him very well and he's so grateful that I'm sticking by his side through all of this and that I never stop loving him. It has been hard, but we're slowly getting where we need to be.

We tried to rush stuff, start building the future we know we want to have together. But everything around us seemed to be against it, he was still dealing with the breakup which causes depression (he blames himself whenever someone he cares about gets hurt) and I have borderline personality disorder which doesn't make me the easiest person to date So we took a couple of steps back, taking it slowly now. And so far it's been going great, we've both been feeling a lot happier.

I wish you the best. Getting over someone can take a lot of time, but keep believing it will happen. Never give up and eventually you wil get there.

[BabyKittenCandy]

Well.. there are 2 ways this can go, ive been in both situations.

Since it is only 2-3 weeks since you split up with your Ex, I would suggest not jumping on this new guy just yet as what you are feeling could be re-bound. Of course, it could also be the real deal, its kinda hard to tell where feelings are involved.

It is always very hard to get over people we love but certainly you dont deserve to be cheated on twice. Not that I can talk but that is another story.

It sounds like you did the best thing by breaking up with him, even though it hurts like mad. I would say, give it a week or two more, if you still care for this other guy, try a few casual dates and just go real slow.

[indigowulf]

My advice would be to wait.

You can still spend time with your friend and enjoy his company. You have a friendship, it's not worth losing by rushing in.

Look at it this way. If you don't start dating your friend now, you always can change your mind later and start dating him, and there will be absolutely nothing lost or risked for waiting.

If you start dating him now, you cannot change your mind later without risking someone getting hurt and maybe losing a friend.

If he's "the one" taking a few months to make sure you are ready isn't going to change anything.

[YourLoveOnly]

I know I have been really scared that I was being used as a rebound myself.
Just because I know that he's not over her. Both of us were trying too hard and it fell apart.
But he knows he really loves me and I really love him, so we talked about everything and started over. A lot more slowly this time and it's been going great.

We caused ourselves a lot of unneccesary pain by trying to rush it, but it has also been really helpful and we learned a lot from it. So I guess it was good in some way..

At least I am completely convinced now that he's serious about me and that he loves me.
I knew that already, I just have this insecure self-hating part that tries to tell me otherwise.

[Pinkshadow]

Thanks for all the answers <3

I guess im gonna wait abit, i know i really do have feelings for this "new guy" the problem is that i cause or make alot of problems, because i have a hard time trusting people
And sometimes i get pretty much jalous and pretty fast :/