Living hell..over and over and over again.

[Whimsy]

I kinda wanted to tell you all why I havnt been around, Ive pretty much kept to PI and a few good friends there and I dont feel as if its fair that I just leave you guys hanging.

On the 20th of november I woke up early and went to check on my infant son. He was cold and still, He'd passed a during the night and there was no hope of saving him. This is something I'd never thought I'd go through, Its not something any  mother should go through. I've been a hysterical mess since, and my mind just is able to cope with many things at this time.

I feel incredibly bad by just disappearing but I dont feel as if right now I can be here to carry on like I was before. Ive found other ways to occupy my time atm and I'd rather stick with them.

*just a little side note, all my adoptables here on secundi are officaly shut down for the time being. Ive already sold off the ShoW horses but I *promise* to finish anything I havnt. It may take a bit but I'm just not all here for a little while. In the future if I feel I can take on a serious adoptable again (as now I have time in abudance) I will be opening the Fortune Keepers again.

I'm terribly sorry for any upset I've caused anyone but you all must realize what kind of RL issues I'm going through. Ive just buried my 5 month old son and thats going to sit with me for awhile. Ive got to get my mind back on track and try to come back down to earth before I take on anything else.

[Silvanon]

You don't think things like that can still happen.  I'm so, so sorry Whimsy, I know I can't even imagine what you must be going through.  *big hug*

[BabyKittenCandy]

Oh Whimsy hunny... im so so so sorry to hear of your loss. I cant even imagine how I would feel in your shoes, its every parents worst nightmare and something no parent should have to go through.

How you found the strength to come on here and post.... if you need anything, just pm..

*hugs*

[Ryuukokoro]

I... I can't think of anything to say. I'm so shocked to read this. You never think of it happening to anyone you know. Don't worry about online forums and digital art pets, love, you need a lot of time for healing and we all understand that. I hope the rest of your family is close and helping you through this horrible time.

[PonyMama]

I am not too sure what to say
I hope you can work through this, seek proper counselling and help ease the pain a bit to get through it.  Take all the time you need and there is no need to say sorries for us, everyone I am sure understands the need to busy yourself with something that helps

[Whimsy]

Thanks for the helpful words guys, it just helps to hear people care. What makes me feel that something has came out of this is that my family has learned a lesson that is a hard one. Everyone's really close now and has realized all the petty stuff they argued over wasnt worth being mad about and not talking. It was amazing to me how many people his little life touched. Still almost a month later people are realizing what life really means now and how short it is and how easily it can end without warning. And if anyone takes something from this thread -please- take that with you.

Im doing okay with it, Im not sure Ive really had it sink in yet, but for now most of the hysteria has stopped. I actually have two sons. One is much older but has/had issues with learning how to talk. He really has a hard time linking up words with what they mean but the other day he pointed at the picture collage my mother made me and said bubby and waved at the pictures. That made me melt all over the floor and upset him because he didnt understand why I was crying. Then today a person I knew passed (though we knew it was coming so not quite as hard and she lived a full and great life!) but her dad looks -exactly- like my pawpaw and when he hugged me and told me he was sorry for my loss why hes trying to cope with loosing my child it was aweful. I just sat and cried on some poor man I didnt even know.

[springacres]

Oh, I am so, so sorry for your loss, Whimsy.  You have my thoughts and prayers.  Sudden deaths, especially sudden infant deaths, are a shock to everyone involved.  I know how upset I was when I heard of my grandfather's death over the phone - and he was 86 and had kidney failure.  I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel.

Take all the time you need to grieve, Whimsy.  We'll still be here when you feel ready to run your adoptables again.  *sends biiiiig hugs across the interwebs*