I need help :(

[Poupou]

Okay, this isn't a happy-happy thread... it talks about the 'hard' and 'sad' parts of life.
If you think this thread isn't for you, leave now. <3


My uncle is dying... he has generalized cancer, and his liver has already stopped working.
He didn't respond to the treatment, and now the cancer has spread to the bones.

I am too far away to go visit him, and it's saddens me so much... I've already cried several times over this, even if the last time I saw him I think I was maybe 16-17... probably younger than that.  It doesn't change the fact that I still love him very much.

My only option is to call him at the hospital where he's staying, waiting to just... die.  And I would love to call him, but I just... don't know what to say.. I'm afraid I'll choke, I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing... it's been so long since we've seen each other, I know nothing of his current life but his illness..    

The reason for that is him being married to my mom's sister, and there was some family drama years ago that made them loose contact.  Doesn't mean I stopping loving them though, but since they stopped coming home, I never had the chance of seeing them.  Now I wish I would have done things differently and visit them while I still had the chance of doing it.  The guilt from this is breaking my heart. 

So I would like know.. have some of you had to go through something similar to my situation?  If so, what did you say? How to go over the akward feeling of not knowing what to say?  I really need to call him, but I'm afraid reality will really strike me hard, because if I talk to him... I will have to acknowledge he is really dying..

*sighs* I'm sorry for the ramblings.. I'm losing sleeping over this, I'm so stressed out.  There are other things no too funny either going on in my life, but right now my main focus is my uncle who doesn't have much time to live left.  It's so unfair, he's always been a good person his whole life.

Thank you if you managed to read through all this, even if you don't reply.  <3

[BabyKittenCandy]

That is a terrible thing to be going through hunny *hugs*

Family fall outs were things get this bad are not good. I can understand your desire to call him and Im sure if you dont, you will regret it.

Could you maybe call his wife and say that you want to call him but are unsure of what you could speak about. Maybe she could share some of his current interests with you so that you have a few safe subjects to discuss?

Failing that I would say just take the chance, call him, tell him you regret the loss of contact and go from there. Tell him what you are up to in your life, anything. At least you will feel better for trying, even if the conversation is staggered for a bit.

I havent been in a totally similar situation but I didnt meet my Grandfather til I was 13 cos He and my father fell out before I was born. I never even knew he existed til then and had great difficulty forming any great bond with him. Then there was an aunt and uncle who I only found out about when the uncle died, even though they lived less than 5 miles away, again, cos my dad, who is really stubborn, fell out with them.

I wish I had known them better, dont let this chance slip away hun.

[Poupou]

*Hugs back* Thanks BKC

I definitely plan on calling, I don't want to have these regrets haunting me. *nods*

I'd call his wife first, but she's staying with him at the hospital, so when I call her, I call him.
Hehe

Talking about regret the loss of contact sounds like a good idea to start with.  He's never seen my kids (except in pictures, my mom showed him) so I guess I could talk a bit about them too and how I've been doing since the last time we saw each other.

I'm sorry you didn't get to meet some of your family until it was too late, it's really a sad thing.  *hugs*

Speaking of which, I plan talking to my mom and tell her that 10 years is more than enough to old a grudge with her siblings.  I don't want something similar to my current situation happening again. >.<

[PonyMama]

You know what I lost contact with my aunt because she is my dad's sister and I am nto that fond of my dad, but when my mom and I were fighting and i had nobody to turn to I knew that no matter how long or what had been sid ever between us I could turn to her.  Now we talk more frequently and even email back and forth.

Sometimes you just got to take a breathe and pick up the phone.  I am sure you will get over the weirdness of it, I am sure he knows that with kids your life can get away from you quickly. 

As for what you can talk about, let him know you have been thinking of him, maybe tell him about your kids, anything you would normally talk to anyone about.

[Poupou]

Just wanted to thank you girls for your advice.

I finally called him yesterday, and I was really happy to talk to my aunt and uncle again.
We've talked a bit about their situation, then about me and what was going on in my life.  Kinda gave some updates on both sides, basically.  It was weird taking to them as an 'adult' since the last time I talked to them, they still considered me as a teenager and not a married woman with two kids. XD

So yeah... he even gets to spend the next 10 days at home before he starts chemo and he's really happy about that.  He's been in hospitals for the past 2 months.  All I want is for him to get better, or at least have as less pain as possible for the rest of his life.

Anyway.. made me very happy, and I'm proud I could get over something (who seems so silly right now) that was keeping me from calling him and letting him know how much I cared and how sad I was that this was happening to him.

Phew!  Thanks again, I truly appreciate. <3

[YourLoveOnly]

*hugs* Glad to hear it all went well.

[BabyKittenCandy]

Im so glad to hear that hunny   *hugs*

[Poupou]

Just a little update...

My uncle passed Monday morning.. His funeral are being held today, so if you could just maybe send some comforting vibes to my poor aunt and my cousins, it would be extremely appreciated.  You don't need to post saying you will, just doing it will be fine. 

I know my aunt.  I know she will not take this well at all.  I just hope she won't do anything bad to herself.  My family has already agreed to make sure she would seek professional help just in case, to help her going through these hard times.  And of course my family will be there for her and my cousins too, and they'll do their best to make sure they're alright.  I feel so helpless right now..

I'm so sad.. but it's like reality hasn't kicked in either.  Being away and not living the emotions with the rest of my family kinda makes me 'detached' from all this.  Like, one minute I'll be sad and the next I'll be happy and laughing with my kids.  It's hard for them to understand why mommy is sad about someone they never met.  I know it's a terrible thing to say, and I feel so bad for saying this.  I'm just glad he's not in pain anymore.   

R.I.P. Uncle Antoine, you will be greatly missed. 

[PonyMama]

I am glad you got to talk to him at least before his passing, I am sure it helped comfort him to knwo so many people loved him.

This is goign to be a hard time for your aunt of course, so good vibes are being sent to them as well as for you.

[BabyKittenCandy]

Aww... Im sorry to hear that hunny. Will send good thoughts your way. I can totally relate to the feeling detatched thing and that in itself can make you feel bad, so please take care of yourself.

[bewilderness]

(((hugs for you and your family)))

[Poupou]

Thanks guys... I'm feeling better now.  I really appreciate your kind words, they helped a lot.
(((hugs for everyone)))