Edit: Nevermind

[Neocridders]

Edit: You know, I feel stupid for whining about this. I'll probably end up deleting this. I don't know what my intention of posting this was, I just felt surprised the to-be senior did not get the spot. She is a nice girl and I was really thinking she would make it, but it doesn't matter. I still feel stupid for saying anything bad about anyone if I did. I am just trying to explain things, but it doesn't matter. Things have happened in the past that got me where I am, even if it's not where I wanted to get to. There are some advantages other people had, and a bunch of it was luck, and I guess I was just someone who didn't get the luck, and people who had the luck gained from it. And I don't know why I was not lucky. But whatever. This has happened over the coarse of like... 3 years. And it's been really hard for me the whole way, and people I used to be better than just had a lucky shot and that's what the directors saw. And well, yeah. I may get where I want, but I really just don't think so. And this post has evolved from me being shocked of the results, to me whining about how some other people are better because they had an opportunity I didn't have. And well... yeah. I'm just going to shut up now. I am sorry if anyone bother to read, since it is long, confusing, and pointless.


Well, I'm in my school marching band. We have over 200 members in the band, a lot more than most schools. We have a leadership team for each section. We are probably one of the best bands in the state, possibly the best in the area. In the 13 years of the existance of the band, not once have we gotten anything less than a superior rating. Ever. We are very good. And the previous year we got our highest rating ever, over 280 (out of 300, 300 being impossible in my own opinion since it is not possible to be perfect. I doubt anyone has gotten a 300 in history.)
Well, out leadership team is the backbone of our band. It's who people look up to and learn from.
I never was a leader, but in the last year, I've found that I have come a long way. I applied for the leadership team this year.
I was scared I wouldn't make it at first, since a kid in my grade is like a freaking prodogy, he is an amazing guy, but I used to be the best french horn player, and then this guy comes along, and he just... pushed me down. Now I'm the second worst french horn player, going by chairs and classes. I am so confused on how that happened. I've worked my tail off, and I get second worst? I don't know... whatever.
But now, we got results for the team today. A to-be junior is a section leader, and a to-be senior is a leadership team.
Well... I am scared. This junior is that kid who is the prodegy kid. I swear, he can play any brass instrument known to man. And he plays them almost as good as anyone playing professionally.
I just think he is not ready for that kind of power. He's a nice guy, and he is so funny, but in a position like this, he is a little too serious. He is that kid who has fun, but it can't be screwing around. Especially if it has to do with band. Except he screws around with the music all the time, but he just makes it sound cool. He's still not supposed to do that.
I don't know... I was never really thought the directors would do that. I thought they would let the to-be senior be section leader, or have both be the section leader.

But, what makes me really disappointed is that I didn't make it. I don't think he (the director) realizes how much work I put into band. He does not realize it is my life. He does not know that I have done half of my art projects on band from this year. He does not know that it has changed my life.
I'm better now, I wanted to be a leader in something.
But most of all, I wanted to be section leader some day. I thought If I got leadership team this year, I might have a shot at section leader some day. I was so excited. Everyone knows and loves section leaders, and they are the ones people look up to.
That will never happen. I know it's not impossible to be a section leader when you've never been on the leadership team, but that's only when you don't have a prodegy kid for section leader for senior year. And that's how it's going to be. And I know it. And I'm just so sad. I never thought I would be sad, but now I am. And I'm here, crying, because I really imagined myself as leadership team. Last year we had three people, and this year we have two. And I know he would have picked three if I were not the next best option. So he left it at two. And I'm just so crushed. And I want to sit here the whole weekend and cry, but I can't since I have three reports and essays to start and finish.

I just needed to write that... so yeah.

[Leafy]

Did he say that himself? Or are you just looking for excuses to put yourself down and make yourself feel worse? :\

(I understand the chair system, I was in orchestra for a loooooooooooong time...)

You still have a commitment to that band to do your best and in music, figure out what you're doing wrong, Music is learned and felt, but technique is taught, maybe it's technique that you're lacking. Ask Mr Prodigy for help. IMO, if he's so good he can help you to get better than second to last chair. And, here's the cinch, if he doesn't, you can go to the band director and complain and suggest that maybe it's more harmful to the band to have him be a leader than for him to just be IN the band. Prodigies are great at making the band look good, usually they're terrible leaders and their social skills are lacking, but I'm not sure if that's just an orchestra thing, all the prodigies I met were introverted, socially awkward types, still some very nice people, just not exactly people I would do more than envy for talent though. If he proves himself though, let it be, as you've said, he usually appoints three people, talk to your director, let him know that you desperately want to improve and be that third person for your section to go to and depend on. Your teacher doesn't seem unreasonable, it seems that he just wants the best, but you need to find out what you're doing wrong and fix it instead of just sit back and cry. Gosh, that turned into a wall of text <_<;;

[Neocridders]

Thanks for reading
I don't know what you are asking if he said, but this guy who I call prodegy is a really funny kid and he's pretty nice. He's my friend, and I talk to him all the time, but I was just blowing off some steam.
When I say I was pushed down, I mean for some reason when he and I were in the same class, I felt like I was getting worse. It was in no way his fault, it was mine. I was a bit discouraged by his skills.
He is not a prodegy. He just does nothing but music from what I see. He was, once ago, just as good as I was. But he was given an opportunity to do something, and I was not, and he then grew more than I did. He got better, and I didn't. I used to be one of the top players, if not the top, in my school. But my skill has not decreased, he is just better. And he gets better faster than most people. He has talents, and he works hard.
And I don't mean to put him down, since he's pretty cool and he's like family. I mean, I really wish I didn't feel like I had to blame everyone, since it's not his fault. It's not anyone's fault other than my own.
I just was really hoping and planning for a different outcome. This boy is a great guy, and he loves to have fun, but... well, I'll give an analagy. He is the sibling that a parent will give responsibility to. The parent will say "You're in charge while I'm gone". The sibling has power, and he expects respect, and then he will tell the other siblings what they shouldn't be doing. If they are supposed to do a focused activity, and he is the only one focused, he will yell at everyone. Even if it does not need to be a serious activity, I have a vision in my head that it will be a bunch of siblings just trying to have fun, doing an activity they all love, and my friend will try to control it too much. I am really bad with this analogy, but we are a family, and I feel that's what will happen.

I have tried to think things over a bit, though. I realize it is just what I fear will happen, and not what actually will. I am sure it will be a great year, I just think fear he is not yet ready to wield this sort of power. And, I believe my other friend who will be a senior should have made the section leader too.

And really, I'm just sad that my directors don't know what I'm doing. When I used to be one of the best players, I was in a middle school. When I got to highschool, I met this kid that I called a prodegy. He was not too much better than me in the begining, but he just grew with the opportunity he was given, and I know if I had also been given this opportunity, I would have been amazing. I would be just as good as he is. But I'm not really mad about that. I just am mad that the directors I have now don't see all the work I've put into band.

I have done so much in band, I started on french horn, which is something most people don't do, and I worked with a private teacher when I started, and I still work with her now. And I've tried out for many ensambles and made some, and I've been really involved in the band world, but when I got to the highschool, I feel all they saw was four freshman: Two in one class, two in another. I was in  the class with my friend, Mr. Prodegy. Even though I might have been  first chair to the other two had I been in a band with them, I would always be second chair to this kid. And they knew that he had this opportunity - heck, they gave him the opportunity! I don't see how I never was given it, but whatever. I was seen as second chair to him, and the other players in the other class were not compared to me by the directors. They assumed first chair in that class was better than second chair in mine. But whatever, they are all my friends.
And I've tried to prove myself, and when we got to leveled classes, I made the lowest band along with the other to-be sophomores (excluding mr. prodegy. He made the highest band. But that's not the point).
So, the second day of school or so, the previous first chair from the last year in the other band was moved up to a better class. And I don't feel like it was because she was better, even though she is now. It was because she was  first. But, you know, whatever. I've tried so hard to get myself up to a higher level. And I don't know what is happening to prevent me from getting anywhere, and I feel so trapped. The directors don't see that band is my life, they just see this girl who is a bit quiet and who was second chair last year.


But, you know, whatever. I love all these people, they are all my family in a way. I just feel like something along the way just made me stop getting better.
And of course I'm going to work hard this year. I work hard to get better to get recognised, even if that has not yet happened.
And well, I'm just ranting and venting my frustration and my sadness and my confliction and whatever else. I don't mean to bring people down. They are all great and worked hard to get where they are, but I feel like I did too, and it is obviously not showing. I know only a few people tried out for many special ensambles, and that would include me, and not some of the other people. I work so hard to get better, but I'm getting worse in my mind. I just sound terrible, and I know it's not true, but I feel like I used to be better than I am now. And that's of course not true, but yeah... I'm just talking now, venting about my frustration.

And that's just on top of all my other complications from my life that I don't want to share. This has just been a bad, bad week. So much has happened in this little time and I feel in ways that my life has been driving on a road, and then a deer jumped out and I swerved off the road. It's just craziness. But I guess it'll get better. It's not like anything more could possibly happen to add to my pile of craziness.

[Leafy]

*hugs* Yeah, I know what you mean, that's why I disappeared for a year ^_^;;

I'm glad that there's more to this, and that it's not all woe is me, he's better QQ and all that nonsense. You just have to keep trying and be more out there, that's probably what got him noticed. Introverted is fine and all, but sometimes you need to stand up straight and kick some serious butt before people will pay attention to you.

*hug* You just have to keep working for it if this is what you love to do ^_^