Updates from Neo.

[Neocridders]

Hey guys. I am so sorry I've been absent. As some of you know this is my first semester of college, and I've just had a lot of things I need to adjust to. I've started going to church (which I've always wanted to do, but parents weren't super active about it so I am glad now I can do this on my own) and I'm on my own for the first time in my life (I have always been very dependent on others. I couldn't do anything for myself. Now that I really have no one to help me, I am forced to do my own stuff. This is good, but it's hard. I like that I can go get food by myself sometimes, and whenever I want. I like that I can walk to my classes on my own, or I can do stuff myself on my own time (even though some of my professors expect me to have purchased obscure material for art project that isn't sold on campus but at a store several blocks away... and want it the next day when I have classes to go to and I can't drive so it would be at least an hour time investment just walking back and forth.

Anyway. My life has been very busy and overwhelming.
I've been super emotional the last few weeks. Actually ever since I got here. The whole mixture of my first break up (which I am still not over, and my feelings towards everything change every half hour it seems) and being on my own, having who used to be my best friend (and boyfriend) isn't around (even though he lives 50 seconds away.) I just don't know how to handle that. I feel ok one moment, angry the next, sad and upset later... it's just all over the place.

So I don't remember if I told about my birthday...
it was a very crappy birthday.
18th birthday, roommate had to do a weekend project so was not around, and I wanted to go get dinner. Not alone, since it was my birthday. I went with my ex (yeah... I'm a freaking genius) to the student union. He got some food with me and we sat and ate. He acted as if nothing had happened between us (he was overall very happy and acting like everything was amazing in his life. He's usually happy, but not that happy. It pissed me off that he could not talk to me for a month and then see me and be so happy with himself.)
About halfway through my meal, he looked at the watch and stood up, saying he had a club meeting to go to. He had previously mentioned that he was in a club that was meeting that night, but he didn't make it clear that he would just leave me. And he could have been a minute late, the meeting was like two seconds up a flight of stairs... but no. He told me to have a great birthday and evening and that he promised to talk to me later. And he left me there. All alone. On my birthday.

I threw away my food after a few minutes and just went home.


Anyway. I am so upset. But that's not the focus of this post. No... sorry it went that direction. My focus was to give some reasons why I disappeared.

This week I pulled two all nighters. I don't have enough time for everything. I even had 'fall break' last week so I had an extra two days to do more work but it still ended in me having to pull all nighters.

Yeah. I'm going to sleep tonight. I haven't had a good night's sleep in weeks.

I'm not saying I'm back in action here like normal, because I'm still having problems with my life (and emotions) and I'm clearly unable to manage my time...

I hope everything is good here. I haven't looked around the forum much, and I might not since I am so busy. I just wanted to say hello to my wonderful friends and give you guys some updates.

Because you guys are like some of the only people in my life who care. And sometimes I forget. <3 <3 I hope everyone has had a great last month or two (wow I've been in college for two months... doesn't feel like that long. I guess it feels long but it's weird to think two months)

So yeah. <3 <3 <3

[Silvanon]

Good to hear from you, Neo, thanks for the update!  Hang in there!  You're taking on a lot of changes all at once, and any one of those can be enough to get someone off balance, so it's no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed.  It sounds like you're doing a good job despite all that, though, so, yeah, good job!  *fluffs*

[BabyKittenCandy]

College is a huge change and to be braving it alone.. your a very strong person, dont forget that! Im so sorry about your birthday, sounds like your ex acted like a jerk. But you havent let him ruin what your doing and thats fab! It will take time to learn to manage your time properly and get settled since its a completely different style of life altogether. Just remember we are here if you need a vent

Keep up the fab work!

[Wildfilly94]

Im so sorry to hear all the trouble you're having Neo! I'm very happy to hear from you though. <3 College is hard (I'm starting my first semester too) and its even worse when you have no one there to lean on. Your strong though, and were all here for you when you fall down. We will always be here for you to rant or even cry to. *hugs* I hope things start looking up soon for you dear.

[Daimas]

Awh honey that's terrible. I hope everything straightens out for you. I know how hard breakups can be and it can take a while to get over one.
Keep your head up Neo. It gets better. I promise.
Enjoy college, and make friends^^ its a great time!

[Bunraku]

I'm new here, so you don't know me, but I read your post, and I wish you the best. I know how hard it is to go through such a major emotional shift and how crazy it can sometimes feel. I hope you'll find happiness at your new school, and that things will turn out for the better <3