He's not even gone yet...

[red_uni387]

...but still I can't stop crying.

I don't think I can stand loosing anyone else in my life. I've already lost my grandpa, who came all the way from Hong Kong just to hear me scream, my grandma, who taught me how to bake, my aunt, who taught me cantonese, Spooky, who I didn't even know, Oreo, who was finally starting to accept me, and now Loverboy's starting to go too. I don't care that he's a cat, he's my big brother and has been part of my life ever since I was born. He hates me, and refuses to let me pet him, but I still love him with all my heart. He comes and sits on my bed when I'm not around, like he does love me, but never stays when I enter. He annoys everyone in the house, yowling as loud as he can to get attention. He thinks everything is for him, and that he's the king of the house. I don't want him to go. His kidneys are not working, and today my mom just got back from the vet with IV treatments for him. We all know he's not going to last much longer, but I just can't bear it. Just the thought of never hearing his meows again, never finding his clumps of hair littering the house, never seeing that cute lump in the middle of the floor or on my bed, sends me to tears. I know it's selfish to want him to stay and suffer, but he's my brother, how can I not want him to stay? Even looking at my picture of Oreo makes me cry, seeing how close I was getting to being able to really love him. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I don't want Loverboy to go too. They've been my parent's children even longer than I have, that's how much he's a part of the family.

I'm sorry for my rambling, I just have to let out something or I really will just sink into a pool of depression.

[SeaCrest]

I'm so sorry. That's happened to me, too, except we didn't even know what was wrong with him until a little before the end. He had cancer in his soft palate. He's been ours since he was born - he was two years older than me. It was really hard the first couple of weeks. We had him put down at home, and then had him cremated.

I really hope he doesn't suffer too much

[Ryuukokoro]

*hugs* I'm really sorry for all the stress and heartache you've gone through lately, red.

It sounds like he's really not doing so well, and I know you don't want him to suffer because of how much you love him. It's really hard to let go but we have to do what is best for our loved ones. Doesn't make it suck any less though.

I'm a firm believer in our pets staying with us after they've crossed over. I had a cockatiel for many years and he died and for months and months afterward I would hear his empty cage clanging like he was walking around on the bars.

I know your Loverboy will still be around you after he passes. Animals can tell how we fell about them, and he'll know how lonely you are now. He'll stay until you're ready and stronger and able to be happy again, and then he'll go to wherever it is they go next. *hugs*

[springacres]

*huge hugs* This thread was hard for me to read, but I have to admit I feel the same way as Ryuu.  Animals know you love them, and they can tell you're going to miss them when they go.  Just remember the good times you shared with him, and the wonderful memories he's given you.

Having been in a similar position before (I had to put down my 16 year old cat a few years ago) I know it isn't easy.  Going to the vet, I cried my eyes out both ways, wishing with all my heart that I hadn't had to be the one to choose to put Katrina to sleep, wishing she could have died at home... even when I knew in my heart that it was time.  But there are still days, even now six years later, when I feel her part Persian body in my lap just as if she were still alive and purring.

[Entaeyen]

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time, and I definitely feel for you. 2 years ago I lost all three of my cats within just a few months. They were about 19, 17 and 10 at the time while I was 28.. so you can see they were a huge part of my life for most of my life. Two of them died from kidney failure, which is a very difficult thing to watch them go through. The middle kitty, Frosty, was whiny and annoying and mean for many years but once we found out he had kidney failure it all kind of made sense.. he was suffering for many years and we just didn't know it. It was very hard to realize that and I felt so terrible for all the times I got mad at him for being so annoying.. what I wouldn't trade to have him back. The youngest was my best friend, and his death hit me the hardest. There will never be another cat like him and as much as I love cats its still to this day hard to think of ever getting another cat because none could simply replace him. But he was my friend right up until his death and I'll always remember that, and I was there for him while he was suffering.

I'm no longer living back home where I was 2 years ago so its hard for me to judge on this, but back then I certainly would agree with Spring that there were days when I could still feel my cats around the house.

[TheLeet]

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. Having my last cat put to sleep was the hardest thing I ever had to do. It's been almost a year and I still sometimes cry about him.
Don't feel bad for crying - it's the best thing you can do right now. You have a very sad and difficult time ahead of you but you will eventually come out of all the grief and be able to smile again. Just be patient <3

[red_uni387]

*hugs everyone*

The soft palate's a really tiny place for cancer D: Poor kitty, I wish there was some way for them to effectively communicate what's wrong so we can help fix it...

The saddest part is we did this just 4 years ago with Oreo. He had kidney problems too, and I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye before my parents took him in to get put down. Your cockatiel must have really loved to you to hang around for months <3 Though hearing the cage clanging would be rather bittersweet.

*squishes spring* Your thread was really hard to read through too; I couldn't even type through the tears the sprouted up when the memories started flowing. It's so hard to let go of kitties A lot of people say they're independent, but they don't know kitties. Loverboy's part persian too, and he looks fat and poofy with the fur sticking out on his thin frame.

Entaeyen, that's just terrible D: seems kidney failure is pretty common..wonder if there's any way to prevent it... I don't think you could ever replace your cat, but if you look at other cats as companions that's not replacing him, just giving another furry critter a home and a way to connect to him

I don't think I'll ever be able to look at my picture of Oreo and not cry, even though he's already been gone for so long. Kitties just get so close to your heart, and it breaks when they have to go

Today Loverboy came out and asked for some food, so we're hoping he'll be able to hang on a little longer with the help of a pill that a lot of people claim is 'magical'.

[SeaCrest]

*hugs* Keep us posted?

[Wolfs Fang]

-hugs-

I really don't know what to say.

But Red- you still have time to spend with Loverboy. Even though you might feel like you're losing him, he's not gone yet. There's still hope. No matter how dire an illness sounds, it doesn't have to result in death.
And even if he does have to go, you can at least know that he's had a good life, because of you and your family.
So good luck, to you and Loverboy. <3

~Fang

[red_uni387]

Well I put off posting cause I was hoping he'd get better with the IV, but it's not working

He's getting constipated, stumbles around, literally drags his back half around, and refuses to eat. My dad said that if he's not better by the time we finish the IV bag (about 3 days worth left), we're just gonna have him put down...

He can't even sit like this anymore cause of the pain from constipation, and it was so sad to see his leg continually sliding outward while eating

[Entaeyen]

I'm so sorry, Red. This is such a hard thing to go through. Its hard for me to see this picture because your kitty looks like one of my own I had as a child. Beautiful cat. I sure hope he gets better with the IV.

[hiyoko]

Wow, take away the tail and there's my Tigger!O.o He's getting up there in age too.

[Scullisto]

*hugs* your in my thoughts and prayers honey.

[red_uni387]

He's still got plenty of energy, but no strength to do anything My dad just came in a few moments ago and said if it gets any worse he's gonna have to be put down. It was so hard to watch my mom give him his supplement earlier today, since he was trying so hard to grab at it but kept sliding. We've been able to get more food into him by dripping tuna juice on it, and he's using the restroom normally, but I don't think he'll be able to hold on much longer. He can't even walk around the house, so my mom has to carry him to the food bowl and back.